The One

I am missing someone with an ache, I think about them every day, I cry over them every day. I want to say "you're the one" but they don't see me as their one. I'm too late.

I smelt someone with his aftershave the other day and the sense of loss was tangible and I cried because I want to be in his arms nuzzled up to his neck smelling him. When I see his name on my phone or in my in box my heart misses a beat, I cherish every kind word he says to me and I save every text and email like a love sick teenager.

This strength of feeling has so surprised me as I didn't always feel like this, someone said something and it just hit me, I actually love him, I really do. I didn't know that I did. I remember being in his arms and feeling his mouth on mine and I didn't realise that that was where I belonged.

This is why I find something wrong with every man I date, this is why I can't be arsed to try in any relationship, this is why I continually give up, this is why I can't make love to anyone else because no man measures up to him, I judge every man by his standards and every one is found wanting.

Someone once asked me if I would fight for love and I said I would and yet I find myself the world's biggest coward and he will never know that I love him.

But I do, I love him profoundly, painfully and unrequitedly.

He's the one.